I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
