Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
