Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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