im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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