There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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