Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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