Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
