woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
