Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
