So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
