Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
