Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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