she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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