Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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