K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
