In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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