i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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