I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
