I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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