There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Shame - the story of my life.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
