You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
