it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
