but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
