i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
false alarm, still single
Randomize
