Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
