peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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