clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
