oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
