I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
