She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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