I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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