Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
