Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
