Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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