We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
