His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wish there were birth control emojis
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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