hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
