i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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