i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I checked into jail on foursquare
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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