Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
