I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
