Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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