This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
All I want is dick and wine.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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