Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
