What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
