I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
