i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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