The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
