Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
