Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
