the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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