bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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