Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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