put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
