I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
