It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
