maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
