I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
