i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
