umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
love makes seman taste better
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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