Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
