could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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