Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
