things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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