I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
