Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
